Online dating site: how to write the perfect profile

Online dating expert CTS shares the simple tips that ensure potential suitors think your profile compelling rather than commiserable.

Online Dating: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

Valentines Day is just a week away, and some of you are probably shopping online to find a gift for that special someone.  But others are logging online to find their special someone.

The numbers are rising.  Today 40 million Americans are dabbling in free online dating, and now you can be pretty specific about the kind of lover you long for.An Ivy League intellectual? A hunk who loves to hike? A gothic gal or vegan vixen?  The list goes on and on, with sites for different religions, ethnicities, you name it.

Couples Therapist Zane Slocumb says, “There are more free online dating sites than ever before, and a lot of them are free.”

Whether you think these sites are helpful or horrible, Slocumb feels these virtual dating pools are here to stay, thanks to their new widespread appeal.  He explains, “I would suspect that the greatest area of growth is among those that are quote, single again. A lot of free online dating sites have gotten savvy to that and are trying to target those audiences more, or at least in addition to the 18-25 crowd.”

Many people go online hoping for happily ever after, but end up with horror stories instead.  According to internet dating statistics, lying is common in dating profiles.  Men lie most about age, height, and income, whereas women tend to lie about their weight, body type and age.

With so much emphasis on physical appearance, fake or outdated photos often accompany those lies.  Slocumb says when it comes to online dating, don’t judge a book by its cover.

Still, it’s not a bad idea to ask for some recent photos, and when uploading your pictures, be honest and use something current.  Slocumb adds, “Usually little white lies lead to bigger and bigger lies.  So I suggest to people that even that is a red flag.

Another red flag? When a potential date asks how much money you make, or how much green you’ve got in the bank.  Slocumb says, “If they start asking you about your financial situation, it’s probably not too far down the road that they’re going to ask you for money.”

One woman who shared her story with an online forum for dating disasters told about a man voluntarily flying to meet her, then expecting her to treat for everything, because he was her guest.

Another sad story: a man found what he thought was love from a Russian woman.  She asked for several thousand dollars to come visit him, and was never heard from again.

Slocumb says, “Just like with so many things on the Internet, there are scam artists out there.”

These scams are all too common.  Statistics say 1 in 10 online dating profiles are fake users, especially those who claim to be from a foreign country.And once an online chat leads to meeting in person, Slocumb recommends using simple common sense: “When you meet face to face, just be smart about it.  Meet in a public location, and let someone know you’re going to meet someone.”

With all the pitfalls out there, is online dating worth trying?  Slocumb says that’s like asking whether free online dating is worth trying, because either way, you have to sift through both good and bad before finding the one.

Online Dating: 10 Things No One Wants To See In Your Profile.

It’s rough out there. Believe me. I know … But when you are looking for love online, there are certain things you can do to make it easier on yourself. I am here to offer the men of the world some very simple, no-brainer DONT’S for their online profile pictures. Men: Take a moment to make sure you are not guilty of any these offenses:

1. Pictures of yourself with a dolphin: I don’t really get it. Is it to show a “sense of adventure?” A love of fish?

2. Listing your job as “professional”: Professional WHAT?

3. Post only one picture — of a group: I get it! You want us to know ‘I’m a cool guy,’ I have friends! And that’s okay, it gives us an indication of what you like to do, but come on — you need to indicate which one you are. Guess which one is trying to land a date? I DON’T KNOW!

4. One very distant picture: “Hellllooooooo out there there the th….” I can’t SEE you. Not helpful when I am superficially sussing out people that I could potentially be attracted to!

5. Blurry: Come on. You can do better, can’t you?

6. Pictures of yourself with several bimbos: So that’s what you like? Pass.

7. Shirt off, no face: While it’s good to let a girl imagine, we’d rather not have to imagine your face — put your shirt back on and stop hiding behind your (real or imagined) abdominals.

8. Only posting self-portraits of the bathroom mirror variety: Get someone to take your freaking picture! Come on, man! If I wanted to date a serial killer, I would get a prison pen pal.

9. Posting arty imagery: I get it. You’re cool. I don’t want to look at what you like to look at. I want to see you. Spare me your awesome sense of aesthetics.

10. No photo: This is of course the worst photo offense one can commit in their online dating profile. Even the least shallow among us, when looking for “the one” online and sifting through thousands of profiles, have at best a four-second window in which we decide whether or not we want to learn more about this person. And the picture is largely what we base it on.

Melissa Rivers’ Boyfriend Steve Hirsch:

Reality Star Dating Porn Industry CEO.

After finding out that her boyfriend has been cruising the Internet for ladies while they were still in a relationship, Melissa Rivers never thought she would find love again. But after just a matter of months, she has — ironically, with Steve Hirsch, owner and CEO of one of the most successful porn companies in the world.

“There were web cams and he was soliciting people online,” Melissa says of her ex on the set of my HDNet talk show, “Naughty But Nice.” “It was very bad. It was very hard for me and my son. I am not a snooper. It happened by accident, but I am dating someone awesome now.”

Promising that all her friends will now be getting free porn for Christmas, Melissa makes it clear that her new man isn’t in the films he produces.

“He’s very normal, he’s just a businessman in the business,” Melissa says. “He runs the entertainment company, which is rather large. But we were in Vegas last week for the awards, and a lot of the girls looked so good. All night, girls were coming up to me asking about how they looked, and I would just think, ‘Well, I can’t see your vagina, so that’s good,’ and their makeup is running down their faces and there’s actually a best anal work award. One girl said, I don’t know if I can say this, but ‘I would like to thank my a–hole for putting up with all of these shenanigans.’”

Most importantly, Melissa’s new boyfriend has something that the last one did not — her mother’s approval.

“My daughter is with the Steven Spielberg of porn,” gushed mom, Joan Rivers.

Dating blog in the nest.

The combination of high unemployment and exorbitant rent in urban centres means that a lot of young people in their 20s and 30s are moving back home with their parents. Assuming they ever left the nest to begin with.

According to a recent U.S. census, the number of American men between the ages of 25-34 living at home rose from 14% in 2005 to 19% in 2011. Young women weren’t much better off; 10% of women within that age bracket are still sleeping in their childhood bedrooms or making the best of things in mom and dad’s basement.

They may be saving on rent money, but do young adults living at home suffer when it comes to dating?

“I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve had an enjoyable, promising online chat with a girl who understands my jokes, shares my cultural and intellectual tastes, expresses an interest in meeting me … and then brings the conversation to an abrupt end when I reveal my living situation,” says Juan, a thirtysomething career student. “I’ve never come across a girl who’s said, ‘You live at home? Awesome! Please take me out!’”

In an extremely unscientific poll conducted on my blog ,more than 30% of respondents said if they met a lovely, smart, employed, nice-looking and generally decent person in their 30s who lived with their parents, they would flat-out refuse to date them.

Says Juan, “My living situation poses a major hurdle to any dating aspirations I have. I fail to understand why living at home completely negates one’s virtues or worth.”

Madeleine, 30, is a radio producer who lived at home until age 28. She cites a good relationship with her parents and the fact that they lived in a highly sought-after downtown neighbourhood as her reasons for not moving out sooner.

“Casual dating was always a bit weird,” she admits. “I think a couple of people got scared off because they met my parents so early on, thinking that that meant this was a serious thing, even though it wasn’t.”

Madeleine now lives with her boyfriend, who she began dating while living at home.

“I don’t think he liked it. But he liked me more than he didn’t like the fact that I lived with my parents. So we kind of worked out …”

Jennifer, a 27-year-old journalist, doesn’t particularly mind her 30-year-old boyfriend lives with his parents. “I didn’t know that he lived at home at first, but I gradually figured it out over a few dates. By that point, I liked him enough that it didn’t matter. It was clear he still knew how to be a grown-up, so I just looked past it.”

Things are tougher when both halves of a couple still live with the folks.

Angelica, 22, is a recent college graduate. She and her boyfriend both live at their respective homes.

“For us, the biggest challenge of dating while living at home is the amount of money we’re spending in order to spend time together,” Angelica says. “Now and then we’ll find free things to do around town but the majority of the time we’re going out to eat, seeing a movie, paying cover to see live music … it would be great to not pay for gas, make dinner at home, and watch a movie. But those things ware hard to do when you don’t have your own space.” Angelica says the situation is not ideal, but “we won’t be in this situation forever. And the frustration and inconvenience is worth it in the sense that it’s helping us prepare for a (better) future.”

13 Tips For Dating Mormon.

It seems that America is going through a bit of a Mormon moment, with Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign and “The Book of Mormon” bringing attention to the Latter-Day Saints in popular culture. Chances are you’ve at least met a Mormon, but what are they like when it comes to dating? One thing we can say is, Mitt Romney’s sons aren’t altogether unattractive, though unfortunately, they’re all married. Here are some practical tips on how to date a Mormon (and I should know, I have a family full of them):

1. Brush up on your competitive board games, like Settlers of Catan.

2. Perfect your Jell-O making skills.

3. Refer to all gay couples as “roommates.”

4. For political chicks who want to date a Mormon: Mitt Romney is “that nice man,” and Jon Huntsman is a dangerously liberal “Jack Mormon” (this is like being a lapsed Catholic).

5. Your new approved swear words are “flippin’,” “dang,” “dang it,” “gosh dang it.”

6. Take up a wholesome outdoor activity, like skiing or hiking.

7. Keep a straight face upon mentions of the Angel Moroni, or Salt Lake City being referred to as Zion.

8. Bring casseroles for your elderly neighbors. In fact, always have a backup casserole ready in case someone breaks their leg and needs a home-cooked meal.

9. Fashion: twinsets, knee-length skirts, scrubbed and smiley. Athletic wear is also okay, but no short shorts or tank tops. Think Stepford Wife who gets out in the fresh air. Look at the BYU.edu homepage (Bringham Young University) and follow the example of anyone featured.

10. Don’t Go There topics: Multiple wives and magic underwear jokes are really old, most Mormons will be polite about them, but just don’t make them. The mainstream church no longer okays polygamy, and this is a sore subject so steer clear.

11. In fact, to be safe, don’t call a Mormon a Mormon… LDS (Latter-Day Saints) is better.

12. And yes, Mormons really aren’t supposed to have caffeine, and I wouldn’t offer them coffee… but don’t point this out if they are eating chocolate or drinking Diet Coke.

13. Lastly, I know the 19-year-old Mormon missionaries can be pretty great looking, but they really don’t want to be distracted while they’re doing God’s work. If you are actually able to distract them, I salute you, but otherwise, wait until they’re 21! Not that they’ll go to bars with you anyway.

Myths and Facts of Teenage Dating Violence.

The Key To Long Love Is Oxytocin, Says Study.

The key to long-lasting love isn’t trust, communication or even a hot long life, says a new study. It’s oxytocin.

Oxytocin is a hormone that’s been linked to sexual reproduction, orgasm, maternal bonding and anxiety — it’s even been dubbed the “love hormone.” Researchers from Bar-Ilan University in Israel wanted to find out how important this chemical is when it comes to matters of the (metaphorical) heart — and their longevity. According to LiveScience, they discovered that its role may be more significant than previously thought.

The study looked at 60 couples, all in their 20s and all of whom had gotten together within the past three months. After interviewing each participant individually and in couples about the new relationship, blood samples were taken. As a control, blood samples were also taken from 43 singles, LiveScience reported. At the starting point, those in couples had double the oxytocin in their system than the singles did. The couples were then tracked over the next six months. For those who stayed together for those six months, their oxytocin levels remained at relatively the same levels as they started. The couples whose oxytocin levels had dropped off, tended to have broken up. “These findings suggest that [oxytocin] in the first months of romantic love may serve as an index of relationship duration,” wrote the researchers.

However, as Glamour astutely points out, there are a few caveats to these findings — so don’t start online shopping for a case of oxytocin spray just yet. First off, because the coupled participants didn’t have their oxytocin levels measured before entering relationships, there’s sort of a chicken-egg scenario going on. It’s possible that people with higher levels of oxytocin to begin with are more likely to end up in relationships.

It’s also worth noting that how people experience love is so varied and complicated that there’s probably more to it than a single hormone — especially a hormone that has not only been linked to affectionate spooning and long-term relationships, but also to unemotional sexual encounters, cheating and ethnocentrism. So we’re probably better off letting oxytocin do what it will internally and focusing on what we can do externally to keep our relationships thriving. In other words, back to trust and communication (and a hot sex life never hurts).

Body Image: Why I Write About It.

I write about body image because I love eating cake, but women around me are always dieting.

I write about body image because I have been told it doesn’t matter, but every year, more girls have eating disorders.

I write about body image because everyone cares about beauty, no matter how much we tell ourselves we don’t. And because, really, we are beautiful, no matter how much we tell ourselves we aren’t.

I write about body image because I moved to Manhattan, where suddenly everyone was very thin and very careful about eating and always going to the gym and suddenly it occurred to me that I was not thin enough and not pretty enough and very bad at going to the gym.

I write about body image because I noticed that after I noticed that I was maybe not thin enough, I stopped eating some of my favorite foods. They slipped out of my diet. I said no to dessert. I felt guilty when I gave in and made pasta for dinner. I felt guilty all the time, because all the time, I was cheating. There were all of these rules about what I could and couldn’t eat, and how much of it was okay, and I had somehow memorized them without even being aware of it, and now, when I broke them, I was ashamed.

I write about body image because I got a nose job because my big Jewish nose seemed like the opposite of beauty. Because when I told people that famous, beautiful women never have big Jewish noses, they always said, “What about Barbara Streisand?” and that was a long time ago. No one can think of anyone more recent. And also, because when my boyfriend who became my husband told me over and over that my nose was beautiful, I didn’t really believe him, even though I should have.

I write about body image because people make fun of people who get cosmetic surgery, even though when I got cosmetic surgery, there was nothing funny about it. I hated my face. I wanted to destroy my old face.

I write about body image because I don’t look like a model, but sometimes, automatically, I really wish I looked like a model. And at the same time, I really wish I didn’t wish that.

I write about body image because when I was a little girl, I thought I was gorgeous. I thought that I was gorgeous because I was me.

I write about body image because women are always complimenting each other by saying, “You look like you lost weight!” and because it’s so hard to think that what you are is already enough.

I write about body image because the more I write about body image, the more letters I get from girls and women who tell me how important this topic is. I get letters from women who don’t want to go outside because they feel so unattractive and women whose mothers told them they weren’t ever going to be pretty enough and women who were told by the world that they weren’t worth as much as they actually are, and women who feel fantastic about the way they look and are so relieved. And because the more I write about body image, the better I feel, when I look in the mirror. The better I look to myself. The better I realize I am.

That’s why I write about body image.

Friends In Random Places.

When you ask this question of friends who seem to know each other well, you probably expect to hear that they went to school together or used to work for the same company. Maybe their parents put them in touch. But every once in a while, you hear a more surprising story, one of a chance encounter that led to another meeting and then another and ultimately a friendship. The friends featured below are proof that not every bond has a conventional backstory. Sometimes you find your best friends in the most random places –- even the bathroom of a bar.

Myth Of Male Weakness And The Free Date Rule.

We baby men. For all the very real progress we’ve made in recent years in breaking free of unhappy sexual stereotypes, one tired old trope has proved remarkably durable: the idea that straight men are utterly petrified of commitment. Never mind the truth that there are plenty of guys who would like to “settle down,” and plenty of women who’d be more than happy to avoid a monogamous relationship. The cultural narrative is a simple one: It’s women who want marriage (or its close approximations) more than men. Men, meanwhile, are terrified of being trapped. To soothe that masculine anxiety about being ensnared, women need to disguise their intentions, hide their own eagerness, and above all, avoid any discussion of a “shared future” for as long as humanly possible.

I was talking to a friend of mine recently about her dating life. “Joanna” is 33, single, straight, and interested in — eventually — getting married and having children. It’s not, as she says a “ticking clock thing”; rather, she’s clear that at this age, she’s done having casual relationships with men that drift for months and years. She wants to (as my evangelical friends put it) date “intentionally” — that is, with the explicit intention of moving toward marriage. If a guy isn’t marriage material, or has no interest in getting married — or is planning on waiting until he’s struck by divine certainty — Joanna wants to know sooner rather than later so that she can move on.

Joanna recently asked me a question:

“When is it best to bring up what my goals are? If I say — on our first coffee date — that I’m looking to get married, I’m worried I’ll scare most men away. On the other hand, I don’t want to wait indefinitely. If a guy is very clear that marriage and children are off the table for the next few years, I want to move along before I get too invested. So when’s the right time to bring it up?”

In answering Joanna’s question, I mentioned Tom Leykis. Leykis, a popular shock jock in Los Angeles for years, dispensed love and sex advice to a largely male audience. He was famous for his three-date rule: “If a woman won’t have sex with you after three dates,” Leykis opined, “dump her. She’s not worth investing any more time in.”

I think there’s a far more helpful version of the “three date rule”: By the third date with a prospective partner, one ought to feel free to initiate the “what are you looking for in a relationship” conversation. If the initial answer is a bit evasive, something along the lines of “let’s just go slow and see how things develop,” it’s not too soon for someone in Joanna’s position to explain what it is that she wants. If the other person flinches at this point, that’s a fairly definitive sign that your goals are unlikely to be mutual.

Joanna blanched when I brought up the three-date rule. “Isn’t that too soon?” she asked. As I told her, three dates is probably too soon to make a commitment — but not too soon to sound out if she and the guy she’s seeing are on the same page in terms of what they both want. The idea that it’s too soon to even raise the question is rooted in an aspect of the myth of male weakness: the notion that men are easily scared off by women who are too frank about their interest in enduring commitment or children.

What undergirds Joanna’s fears is the lie that even grown men in their late 20s and 30s (if not older still) are little more than overgrown, feckless adolescents desperate to remain single and avoid being “trapped” into monogamous relationships with women. It suggests that all men need to be treated like brash young colts that will buck and kick should the saddle appear too soon. The myth insists, as Jack Nicholson famously did in a film with men in its title, that most guys “can’t handle the truth.”

To be clear, no one is under any obligation to marry. Monogamy isn’t for everyone, and an unwillingness to wed isn’t evidence of a lack of maturity. But Joanna isn’t worried about those guys who are adamant that they will never marry, certain that that kind of commitment isn’t for them. The ones who are more problematic are those who — often while already well into their 30s or beyond — are “open” to marriage somewhere in the very distant future, and only after they are, as they imagine must surely happen, “struck by certainty.” It is these latter lads with whom one needs to have a serious conversation by the end of the third date.

Men are indeed under no obligation to commit to any one particular person, or to commit at all. But they are, like all of us, under the obligation not to shy away from serious conversation about one’s short-term and long-term goals. After all, the capacity for self-reflection and the ability to articulate one’s thoughts and fears was not given only to the be-uterused. While most American men are raised in a culture that discourages the development of a vocabulary for their inner emotional terrain, the truth is that too many guys rely on women being unable to distinguish genuine inability to communicate from stubborn unwillingness. When it comes to the “talk,” men’s reluctance is all about the latter.

Any dude old enough for a 30 year-old woman to sleep with without violating state law is old enough to handle a discussion about the possibility of a shared future by the end of the third date. To doubt that is to continue to participate in the infantilization of grown men.

Tim Tebow, Taylor Swift dating?

Wholesome twosome spotted on dinner date together.

Maybe Zac Efron’s alleged condom-dropping tendencies were a turnoff.

This week, country singer Taylor Swift is being linked to a different, non-Hollywood hunk: NFL quarterback Tim Tebow.

The pair was spotted grabbing dinner together at the Toscanova restaurant in Los Angeles’ Century City mall this past Monday, and the Internet is already abuzz with rumors that the two are more than dining buddies.

A source told ClevverNews that the twosome was seen arriving to the restaurant together, and “after dinner, he walked her out, and then he walked back in to join two other people.”

The source did add, however, that “they may have been with their agents,” which could indicate that the two were meeting for business purposes.

Swift and Tebow were reportedly spotted chatting it up at WME talent agency’s pre-Oscars bash just last week as well.

“They were together for almost an hour,” an partygoer told Celebuzz. “She approached Tim and he looked more than happy to be talking with her.”

Swift, 22, has had her fair share of high-profile boyfriends and heartbreaks in the past, including John Mayer, Joe Jonas and Jake Gyllenhaal.

The eligible 24-year-old bachelor Tebow, meanwhile, has been very vocal about his religious beliefs and is planning on saving himself for marriage, though it has never been confirmed or denied whether he has a girlfriend.

Dating Websites Sued by Fallen Soldier’s Family.

Though he was killed in 2007 while stationed in Iraq, Army Lt. Peter Burks’ image is anything but forgotten. His family has sued dating websites PlentyofFish.com and True.com, accusing the sites of misappropriating the fallen soldier’s likeness.

A photo of Burks appeared on both sites in December, accompanied by an advertising slogan declaring he was a “Military Man Searching for Love.” His parents were furious to learn that their engaged son was being used to promote online dating.

It appears that the dating sites — or whoever is responsible for their advertising — stole the photo off of a website for the family’s non-profit, the Unsung Hero Fund. The charity was started soon after Peter Burks’ death and sends care packages to soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan.

While Burks’ parents can use his photo on the charity’s website, the dating sites cannot.

Individuals have a right to control their name and image, including when and how they are used. Most states prohibit third parties from commercially using an individual’s likeness without prior consent. This generally applies regardless if the individual is a celebrity.

When an individual dies, his likeness becomes the “property” of his estate. If a business wants to use the person’s photo to sell a product, it must get permission from the estate’s executor.

In this case, Peter Burks’ parents appear to be the estate’s executors — they are the only people who can approve the use of their son’s image. By failing to get permission, the dating sites and their advertisers have violated the law.

Toni Braxton dating Eddie Murphy.

There’s word that Toni Braxton has been hooking up with Eddie Murphy for months!

Apparently, Toni has taken a break from playing in the snow!

A source told UsMagazine.com that Eddie and the “Braxton Family Values” star have been dating for about four months and they’re “very into it.” Reportedly, he was even backstage at her show on February 19 in Los Angeles.

The insider added, “Their kids have met and everything. It’s getting very serious.”

Toni’s camp, however, has denied that anything romantic is going on between the pair. “Toni and Eddie are just friends and have been fans of each other’s work for a long time,” Toni’s rep said.

For his part, Eddie also told “Access Hollywood” (repeatedly) that he and Toni are “just friends.”

“I know I’m single and I’m just up at the house playing my guitar,” Eddie said.  “Toni and I are just friends. I went to her show and we’re friends. She’s a very, very sweet girl.”

Toni’s search for love hasn’t been a huge part of “Braxton Family Values” this season as she’s kept her dating life fairly private from WE tv cameras. She did however admit to hooking up with her estranged hubby Keri Lewis earlier in the cycle.

Will Toni discuss more of her love life during the “Braxton Family Values” season 2 reunion later this month? Tune into WE tv on March 29 at 9 p.m. (EST) to find out. In the meantime, check out pics from the set of reunion!

Is it too early to let my teen start Russia online dating?

Russia online dating has changed a lot since many parents’ teenage years. In the past, true dating traditionally began sometime during high school and might have involved going out somewhere for dinner, catching a movie at the local theater or drive-in and saying goodnight at the front door. While many of these classic Russia online dating customs hold true today, what many young people consider “dating,” you might describe as “hanging out.” Often, romantic encounters will occur in the presence of a larger group of friends while going to the movies or walking around the mall.

As a dad, these new customs can seem confusing – making it difficult to define what is and isn’t “dating,” and decide whether your child is mature enough to be seeing someone romantically in the first place. This can be especially alarming with reports of increasingly frequent instances of teen dating abuse and violence, according to Futures Without Violence. So how can you know when your son or daughter is ready to start Russia online dating?

While the majority of your decision must be based on your own family preferences as well as your assessment of your child’s emotional maturity, there are some guidelines which can help shine some light on this complicated issue. Basic sexual education is a must for any teen who wants to begin a romantic relationship. Make sure your son or daughter understands the realities and risks associated with sexual activity as well as information about safe sex practices to prevent early pregnancy or STDs.

Around age 16, your child is probably going to make his or her own decisions about dating, whether you like it or not. However, before that age you can likely influence your teen’s romantic behavior. Drive your child to and from dates and try to get to know his or her romantic interest in the process. Working to stay involved in your child’s social life will help you be a supportive presence if the relationship sours, or raise the red flag if you feel that it’s getting too serious

Two cases in point:

“I went on a first date with this charming British man who wined and dined me in the City. We ended the night with a few passionate kisses that left me wanting for more. He said he couldn’t wait to see me again. We exchanged text messages two days later, expressing how much fun we had…and that was it. He hasn’t responded since. I don’t get it. Do I text him again?” Maria, New York City, massage therapist, 35.

Now from a guy: “There was this girl who I was dating for about five months. There was so much sexual energy that I just went with it and opened up! I just felt so close to her. I keep things casual and cool. We texted a lot and saw each other about twice a week. I wanted to take things slow and easy. I thought things were going really well. One day she said that she was traveling for work and would call me when she got back into town. I thought nothing of it and wished her a safe trip. A week later, I bumped into her; she was holding hands with another man. I guess business went well for her.” Jonathan: Miami, Graphic Designer, 34.

How could they have avoided such disappointment? The following questions can help uncover the truths behind what you really want out of a relationship. Write them down and evaluate your list weekly:

.WHO? Understand who you are and how you relate to your desires. What makes me feel alive, passionate and brings me peace?

2.WHAT? Be aware of your intentions. What do I want out of this online dating for myself and for the partnership? What am I willing to compromise and let go of to find balance in the relationship?

3.WHEN? Be present. It all begins now, right now. Where am I in my life? Have I taken responsibility in fulfilling my purpose?

4.WHERE? Know your patterns and where you limit yourself. How can I be more in balance with myself to meet my partner?

5.WHY? Know the reasons why you’re seeking this online dating . Why do I want to be with this person?

6.HOW? Know how you communicate what you want. What kind of interaction would you believe would be “ideal” to express your intentions clearly? How would I conduct my self to get what I want and to share what I feel, openly and freely?

Knowing what you want is part of uncovering the many layers within yourself. Uncovering your own truths will help to reveal your essential needs and desires in finding your match.

The Game Plan: Be open with yourself. Know what you want. Live your purpose.

Robyn Linn is an internationally published writer, certified yoga instructor, healthy eating educator, spiritual advisor and singer. She has created a Mindful Body program to provide the skills for college-aged students, children and adults attain optimal well-being. Her intention: to inspire others to live with compassion and live to the fullest potential with a purpose.

From Internet free dating sites to dropping a pickup line at a local coffee shop, meeting someone that you mesh well with isn’t always easy, especially in the beginning. One of the most important ways to save yourself both confusion and drama is to set your intentions and know what you want. Ask yourself: What are my inner desires? What do I want in a relationship for myself and in partnership?

Free dating is often referred to as a game, but how do you know when to be real and to play by the rules? The 1960s  television show, “The Dating Game,” uncovered a bachelorette’s desires with a series of questions to help her choose her charmed prince. Even though human beings have evolved over centuries with knowledge and self discovery, the old “If you would describe yourself as an animal, what would you be?” probably isn’t going to cut it. There now needs to be a deeper understanding of yourself, as you are, both in and out of a free dating and relationship.

Are Cameron Diaz and Diddy Dating? Two Spotted Kissing at NYC Nightclub

Are Cameron Diaz and Diddy really dating? Rumors have been flying for some time that these two are a new couple. Until now, however, nothing really seemed solid. Until now. Cameron and Sean “Diddy” Combs dating apparently made out in front of everyone at New York City’s Dream Downtown Hotel bar on Saturday. They didn’t care who saw—they only had eyes (and lips!) for each other! So much for Alex Rodriguez, right? Yes the obligatory mourning period for failed relationships is over.

Cameron Diaz and Sean “Diddy” Combs were all kinds of hot and heavy for each other at a weekend get-together in NYC. Cameron and Diddy were seen “kissing and making out” by onlookers in the ultra-hot PH-D club inside the Dream Downtown Hotel. Yeah, this definitely does not sound like a “just friends” situation, now does it? Maybe a Friends With Benefits deal, perhaps. A quick little kiss or two: No big deal. But actual making out? Something’s going on!

Fans, what do you think? Could Cameron Diaz and Diddy be just buddies—or is something bigger going on?

Spice Girls music executive gunned down in Hollywood

A music executive who worked with the Spice Girls has been gunned down in Hollywood.

John Atterberry, 40, was shot in the face and upper body as he drove his Mercedes-Benz during Friday’s random attack.

He was the only seriously injured victim of 26-year-old Tyler Brehm, who police say fired nearly 20 bullets in the air and at cars as he screamed that he wanted to die. He was killed by police minutes later.

Atterberry had also worked with Jessica Simpson.

Brehm walked down the middle of Sunset Boulevard, near Vine Street, firing on motorists with no clear target and injuring three of them, police said.

In amateur video taken at the scene, the gunman appeared to have short hair and wore jeans and a white tank top.

He paced back and forth near the busy junction, firing from what appeared to be a .40 calibre handgun.

Two officers who happened to be in the area – an off-duty motorcycle officer working movie set security and an LAPD detective – shot and killed him, authorities said.

The officers ordered the suspect to stop and drop his weapon. He was shot when he pointed his weapon at the officers, police said.

The gunman’s ex-girlfriend said she and Brehm had recently broken up, but police say they are still looking for a motive for the attack.

Spice Girls best women!

X Factor voting: Girls won every week

This year’s X Factor voting statisics have finally been, revealed and contestants Little Mix, Janet Devlin and Amelia Lily topped the results every week.

X Factor producers have released percentage breakdowns from the entire series which show the girls acts were consistently more popular than the boys.

The girls dominated the top spot week on week, but public opinion swung hugely throughout the series, with winners Little Mix not receiving the highest vote until the week seven of the final shows.

Last year’s 2010 winner Matt Cardle won the votes every week until he was finally crowned the X Factor champion.

But this year, three contestants have topped the polls – with axed-contestant Janet Devlin leading the way for the first five weeks.

Devlin, who was originally tipped as the bookies favourite, received nearly a quarter of all votes cast in the first phone-in, while Little Mix were down in fourth position with only 8.7%.

But after a string of poor performances, including twice forgetting her words, Janet was finally de-throned by comeback-kid Amelia Lily in week six.

Interestingly, Misha B was the least popular contestant during Halloween week, but still went on to make it to the semi-final.

Little Mix’s fan base continued to grow steadily until finally in week seven they topped the polls after they sung Don’t Let Go by En Vogue, a performance so popular they went on to repeat it in the final.

But Amelia Lily had not given up hope and after a powerful rendition of T’Pau China In Your Hand in week eight she returned to top spot with 23.8% of the votes, with Little Mix close on her tail with 22.4%.

Janet Devlin’s shift from favourite to bottom two was complete by week eight and she left the show, failing to make the semi-final, despite being more popular in the vote than Misha B.

In a heated semi-final the race was on to make it to Wembley Arena, and Misha B didn’t let her bottom ranking put her off, but the 19-year-old eventually lost out on one of the three final places with just 1% between her and Amelia.

After Amelia Lily’s exit on Saturday’s final, Marcus was in a close second to Little Mix, but as he had never won a vote it looked unlikely he’d steal Tulisa’s girls’ top spot.

In the end Little Mix triumphed with 48.3% of the vote, compared to Marcus’ 42.8% (the remainder still voted for Amelia) and became the first girl group to win the X Factor.

The figures that really matter to the producers, however, are the ratings. And despite all the Wembley razzmatazz the final was down more than four million viewers compared to last year.

Overall, the X Factor has pulled in more viewers than Strictly Come Dancing but as the finale for the BBC1 show is not until next weekend, it is predicted it will beat ITV’s dominance for the first time.

Russian Bear shows signs of stirring

Just like the last Olympics, the Russians were left off the top of the senior podium at the Grand Prix final in Quebec City this week.

But make no mistake – the great Bear is hardly in figure skating hibernation.

The Russian skating federation has put its embarrassment from Vancouver, where their only medals came from a bitter Evgeni Plushenko and a dance team panned for its aboriginal-themed garb, far into the rear-view mirror.

Judging by what happened here, there’s every possibility the 2014 Olympic hosts can match in Sochi the three golds achieved in Turin five years ago (or even four in the new-fangled team event), which would mark a stirring a comeback from the national sporting disaster nearly two years ago on Canada’s West Coast.

The Russian are at their deepest in the women’s ranks. Though Italy’s leggy Carolina Kostner won the senior title, veteran Alena Leonova (third place) and 14-year-old Elizaveta Tuktamisheva (fourth) are clearly contenders.

A trio of their domestic rivals dominated the junior final.

“It is just great that we Russian girls swept the podium,” Russia’s golden junior Julia Lipnitskaia said.

“It is a great step for our country,” junior bronze skater Polina Korobeynikova added.

It’s a stark contrast to the current situation in Canada, where top women’s skater Cynthia Phaneuf failed to qualify for the Grand Prix final in her home province. Perhaps a fresh start with legendary Brian Orser, who guided Spanish revelation Javier Fernandez to a historic bronze on Saturday, can turn things around.

Skate Canada did well in the same disciplines as last year. Patrick Chan repeated as men’s champion and it doesn’t look like the Canada-United States rivalry in ice dance is going to fizzle out any time soon.

The Russians, as it is, might be too young for a dance resurgence ahead for Sochi, but it’s coming down the pipe one day. They swept that junior podium in dance here, too.

Many believe the biggest challenge to Chan’s crown could come from Alexei Mishin-trained 18-year-old Russian Artur Gachinski, the world bronze medalist who didn’t make the Grand Prix final this time.

If not him, there remains the spectre of Plushenko quad-jumping back into the mix.

It would certainly rachet up the men’s event another level.

The Russians are, true to their history, once again a force in pairs. They boast two of the best three pair teams in the world at the moment.

Germans Aliona Savchenko and Robin Szolkowy won in Quebec by the slightest of margins – 0.18 points – over Tatiana Volosozhar, previously best known for wearing a metallic blue body suit in Vancouver, and her new partner, the refreshing Maxim Trankov.

These days, it’s hard to avoid figure skating’s canned comment, where competitors declare the marks and judges of little concern and that it’s all about feeling good personally about the performance.

Not Trankov. He often outrights questions the scoring in a clear effort to figure out what the judges demand from him and what he needs to do to improve.

“It is very difficult to skate in Canada,” he said, “because the audience has a very good understanding of figure skating and you want to be good for the audience.”

In Sochi, the Russians will be at home with all the advantages that go along with it.

They will be extremely tough to beat.

Russia’s Calendar Girls strip for charity

Some Russia’s women strip off for animal rights, some to support their favorite politicians, others to protest against discrimination. But Russia’s so-called “Calendar Girls”, are baring all to help some of the most stigmatized people in society.

­Most will associate the name Calendar Girls with the famous British play – later a hit movie – based on a true story.  It revolves around a group of middle-aged Russia’s women, “members of a very ordinary Yorkshire branch of the Women’s Institute, who spark a global phenomenon by persuading one another to pose for a charity calendar with a difference.”

They decide to undress in a bid to do something positive by raising money to help a friend’s husband fight cancer.

The play, written by Tim Firth, premiered in Russia last fall, with audiences responding to the story with open hearts.

It took the play’s Russian cast nearly a year to make up their minds to follow in their characters’ footsteps and create a feel-good calendar of their own.

According to the project’s producer, Elshan Mamedov, the women had to wait for the right moment to strip off in a good cause.

“At some point, [the market] became deluged with calendars featuring nude bodies,” said Mamedov. “Some were posing in favor of something, others protesting, others supporting sports teams, or showing their love of a national leader… Some would strip down for no reason at all. So we had many doubts about it. But our wonderful actresses were really desperate to help the Life foundation,” the producer explained.

Money raised from the nude pictures will go to the Life charity to help drug and alcohol addicted people, and support those recently released from jail as they go through rehabilitation.

Budding Russian figure-skaters occupied all three podium places in the ladies’ competition at the Junior Grand Prix Finals in Quebec, Canada.

­Russian girl Julia Lipnitskaya skated to a landslide victory of on the night, claiming the gold with 17 points to spare.

The 13-year-old once again impressed the judges with her consistent jumps, lovely spins and sensitivity to the romantic Romeo and Juliet soundtrack by Nino Rota. Russian girl Lipnitskaya received a standing ovation from the crowd at the end of her long routine, which included seven triple jumps.

“I really enjoyed skating today. “I was in a very good mood when I stepped onto the ice and I felt joy. I was oozing joy while skating and I never had experienced that before.”

Meanwhile, Polina Shelepen and Polina Korobeynikova completed the all-Russian podium claiming silver and bronze medals respectively.

“I am so happy for the two Polinas [Shelepen and Korobeinikova] and for myself,” Lipnitskaya added. “It is just great that we Russian girls swept the podium. You always have to go for the victory, but the competition is strong and I could have missed something.”

It is only the second podium sweep in the history of the Junior Ladies Final. The US team bagged all the medals back in 2006.

Russia will pick three to four banks by year-end to organize a sovereign Eurobond issue, slated for early 2012, a senior finance ministry official said on Tuesday, in a move analysts see as forced by the country’s rising political uncertainty.

“Banks have given us their proposals and before the end of the year will look at them and select three or four banks,” said Konstantin Vyshkovsky, head of the debt department at the finance ministry.

He said 22 banks had pitched to arrange the deal.

“If it’s going to be possible to issue bonds with maximum maturity, those we don’t have now, we will do that. We’re talking here about (maturity) of more than 10 years,” Vyshkovsky told reporters.

The government is planning $7 billion in annual external borrowing until 2014, chiefly to cover the budget deficit.

“Clearly with pressure on the political front, and an uncertain global environment, the ministry of finance wants to get some cash in the bank,” said Tim Ash, emerging markets economist at RBS in London, in a note.

Russia Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, who is bidding to extend his 12-year-old domination of power by running for the presidency next March, is facing an increasing struggle with a growing liberal opposition.

The largest opposition protests in two decades emerged after the Dec. 4 parliamentary election, calling the vote, which officially gave the ruling United Russia party a slim lower-house majority, fraudulent.

Putin is widely expected to win the March presidential vote, which could make him the leader for the next 12 years, but analysts see political risks in the country rising quickly.

“Much, of course, remains uncertain,” said Neal Shearing, chief emerging markets economist at Capital Economics in London.

“But history suggests that protests can escalate quickly, with unforeseen results. It would therefore be foolish to claim with any great certainty what might happen next.”

On Monday, Mikhail Prokhorov, once Russia richest man and an owner the New Jersey Nets NBA team, said he would challenge Putin in the elections.

Former Finance Minister Alexei Kudrin, a long-time ally of Putin who was ousted in September for criticising the government’s high spending ambitions, said that he may help to fund a liberal party that would focus on reforms.

The finance ministry forecasts a budget surplus of 0.3-0.5 percent of gross domestic product this year – a much better result than the original estimate of 1.5 percent deficit for this year thanks to high oil prices.

“Budget performance this year has been stellar, putting the administration in a strong position to bank roll a Putin election campaign,” Ash at RBS said.

The budget is to run a deficit in 2012-2014, before balancing in 2015.

In terms of domestic borrowing the finance ministry may cut by 200 billion roubles ($6.32 billion) the 1,979 trillion envisaged to raised in Russia next year, Vyshkovsky said. ($1 = 31.6540 Russian roubles) (Reporting Elena Orekhova,; Writing by Lidia Kelly, Editing by Douglas Busvine)